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Deck the Halls with Mentholyptus!
I remember a couple of things from my toy pursuit as a kid during the Christmas season.
First of all, I remember becoming more anxious the closer the time came. Secondly, I remember that time starting no sooner than the day after Thanksgiving. After all, we were spending a lot of time in school preparing for the Thanksgiving season. We made construction paper turkeys from the pattern of our hands (those turkeys always ended up with pilgrim hats and collars), learning about the first Thanksgiving between the settlers and the native Americans (a perspective which changed as my years in school advanced, along with the advent of Political Correctness), and learning our parts for the annual Thanksgiving Day program (immortalized, turned on its end, by Wednesday and Pugsley in "Addams Family Falues").
What bugs me is that these days, if kids accompany their parents to the drug store, or - more likely - the nearest WalMart Supercenter, they're reminded as early as the first week of October that Christmas is "right around the corner." Of course, you get it on TV too, but it seems so much worse to see it in person. Plus, in the 70s you didn't see that many toy commercials until the real Christmas season began. Now they're on at every commercial break, in an almost never-ending flow, year round. "Star Wars" is the first movie I remember that had serious product tie-ins. It began with T-shirts and toys, but soon spread to bed sheets, toothbrushes, trash cans, etc. A film distribution company here in the late 90s won't even touch a kids' movie without a major cross-marketing strategy.
My earliest experience with greed was when I was about 5 or 6, as I was preparing for my visit with Santa in the portable metal building just outside K-Mart's front doors. I borrowed my mom's good scissors and I filled a 2-gallon Tupperware pitcher with cut-out pictures of the toys I wanted from the JC Penney's and Sears catalogs. When I got there and Santa asked, "...and what would YOU like for Christmas, little boy?," I proceeded to tump the contents of the pitcher at Santa's feet. I was so proud that I had done all the hard work for Santa and now all he had to do was DELIVER. I'd begged Mom to let me take the pitcher with me, but I'm sure she had no idea I would make the little room look like a ticker-tape parade. This was evidenced by her saying "I'm so sorry..." as she made my older sister take my hand while she leaned down to help the elves clean up the litter I'd just rained upon Santaland.
If the late 20th-century marketing push weren't enough of a burden on today's tykes, the toys themselves have become downright surreal. Here's only a few examples:
Actual toys made by actual manufacturers...
Hot Wheels Deluxe Ford Dealership Playset
"But MOM! What I really wanted was the Deluxe USED Ford Dealership Playset!" Just imagine - the Hot Wheels would be decked out with the asking price written on the windshield in white shoe polish, complete with salesman in a bad suit, scary things hidden under the miniature seats, overflowing ashtrays and Little Trees air fresheners hanging from every rear view mirror. What kid wouldn't love that?
Working Woman Barbie Doll
Not since the Industrial Revolution has an opportunity this significant presented itself to the fairer sex. "My own business cards? Thanks, Mom!" Comes complete with a Notarized pre-nuptial agreement and rebate offer for accompanying purchase of Sony's My First ATM.
World of Money Young Executive Briefcase
(non-gender specific)
A co-worker summed up my sentiments by re-naming this potential gift "Mommy's Little Embezzler."
The Space Saber (my favorite)
Children who can read the caption must be excited to the point of animé-induced seizure with the the promise that it "Simulates Virtual Reality." Maybe parents are drawn to it because they think their kids should learn early about using fantasy as a means to escape, since the real world - like shopping for toys - is sometimes just too twisted and scary.
Happy shopping! Please don't forget to enjoy your Thanksgiving first, though.
#20
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