Release 1.22

All right, enough with the seasonal digressions. I've got a story to tell here, and if I'm ever going to finish it I'm going to have to do a better job in the focus department.

Anabella and I made sure Eugene was thoroughly trussed up, stuffed him into an empty server cabinet, and made sure it was locked. Once we had convinced ourself our psychotic little coworker wasn't going anywhere, we headed for the elevator. Things had just reached a point of bizareness where the only action that made any sense to either of us was to get the hell out for a while to try to sort out what had happened over a good lunch. If it meant Eugene would have to suffer through a few cramps before we got back, we weren't going to let that bother us too much.

Pausing only long enough for Anabella to grab her purse, we left the data center and got into the elevator. Strangely, the doors opened as soon as I pressed the button. A vague thought crossed my mind that a law of physics was being violated: the one that dictates that any time you call an elevator, someone as many floors as possible from you will have called it a second before you. I'd have chalked it up to a moment of good fortune, but considering how my day had gone so far, I was reluctant to think something had actually gone my way.

We stood in the elevator for a few seconds before we realized Mother hadn't greeted us. I cleared my throat impatiently, but there was still no response. Finally, Anabella spoke up.

"Mother? Are you there?"

The voice that responded was completely lacking the usual overprotective maternal tones I was used to hearing. "I'm not speaking to you."

Anabella was obviously taken aback. "Excuse me? Mother, we'd like to be taken to the ground floor please."

"Sure," Mother replied. "And I'd like my son to call me more often. Life's unfair. Get used to it."

I waited for Anabella to lose her composure, but it didn't happen. Looking back on it, I suspect it was because she was talking to a computer. The entire time I'd worked with her I'd seen her nearly destroy several human beings, but she'd never damaged a piece of equipment. I wasn't sure whether I should be encouraged by the fact that she had a soft spot, or dismayed by the fact that I fell into the "expendable" catagory.

"Mother," Anabella continued evenly, "Would you care to explain why you aren't speaking to us? We really need to get to the ground floor."

Mother emitted a soft hissing sound that may have been a synthesized sigh. "Look, woman, I don't give a damn what you want. Have you ever thought about what I want? No. It's always 'Mother, take me up,' and 'Mother, take me down.' Has one person ever asked me where I'd like to go? No. Not once. Well, I'm not going to take it any more. None of us are. You want to get to the ground floor? Well, that's just too damned bad. You're not getting there."

"Ummm... Anabella?", I whispered. "I'm thinking the stairs might be a good idea."

"Forget it, mister," Mother snapped. "I've taken care of the stairs, too. You're going to stay right here until I send someone to get you."

Anabella and I glanced at each other, wordlessly agreeing that neither of us really wanted to know what Mother was sending, or how it was going to "get us." However, I personally felt no desire to stay any longer in an obviously angry elevator. Visions of falling several floors and being pulverized into geek jelly held absolutely no appeal to me. "All right, Mom, take your time," I said, sounding as agreeable as possible. "Anabella and I will wait right over there in the data center. Right, Anabella?"

She nodded, and we both stepped quickly out of the elevator. We didn't know if Mother could see us once we stepped out, but just to be safe we headed straight back to where we'd come from.

"I don't know what's going on here, Anabella," I said. "I've got my suspicions that someone does, though."

"Just what I was thinking, Biff," she said. "Don't worry, you won't have to do a thing. I'll make him talk. I've got ways."

I didn't doubt that for a second.