"'Rules girls'-as they are
annoyingly named-exhibit
behavior that is demure in the
extreme. Say they go to a party.
They circle the room, never
looking at, or talking to, target
guys. When a guy asks for a
Rules girl's phone number, she
never produces her business
card or even a pen-too
aggressive.
On the first date, Rules girls
never offer to go dutch or
engage in more than a casual
smooch. They never call guys.
Never accept a date for
Saturday night if the invite
comes after Wednesday.
Always are the first to end a
date. Above all, Rules girls don't
move in with a guy-or even
leave a toothbrush in his
bathroom-until the deposit on
the wedding reception has been
made."
-Susan Lee
Problem 1: The Rules Doesn't Account for Variation in Men.
Perhaps this is all to do with Pavlov training- if they don't do as you want on their own, it's bye-bye- but the Rules Girls sound as if they have picked out their personal list of requirements/wants in a man, and if the guy does not conform totally and right off, forget about him. This is not the best idea, as they're probably missing out. Here's two examples I found in The Rules (online, anyway) of this:
"If he doesn't ask you out within 10 minutes, it's good-bye!"
What if he's shy? What if it takes him 15 minutes to get up the nerve?
"...How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then he's not interested!"
"Bullcrap! Do they think there are no shy men in the world? Perhaps the guy has had a previous bad
break-up and is still gun-shy. Or he thinks the woman is hopelessly out of his league, so why bother? He
may show all the signs of being interested and still not ask you out. Every situation is different, just as all
individuals are unique. This blanket statement is just a crock." -Nautica
"Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for
your birthday or Valentine's Day. How
petty! Didn't these authors take into consideration how difficult it is for
some men to give romantic gifts? Why is it, in my experience, that the more
blatantly romantic a man is towards you at the beginning of a relationship, ,
the more determined he is to get you into the sack and then cast you, the
victim, aside, in order to move on to fresh prey. Isn't it possible that if a
man really decides he cares for you, then it could be understandable that
he might be nervous about how he shows his feelings...What if you haven't
been seeing each other that long?" -Brenda Ross
Problem 2: Hard to Get = Rude.
Now, playing hard to get- for awhile, anyway- is one of those things most people have been brought up on. And a little of this can be ok to do. But frankly, this is one of those areas where I feel the Rules Girls have gone overboard, to the point where they actually advise women (oops, that's "girls") to treat men badly. Perhaps as badly as the Rules Girls may have been treated in the past, pre-Rules?
Not only do the Rules Girls say that you can't talk to someone for long (ten-minute limit so they keep wanting more- how Clueless of them), they don't like you talking to someone At All.
"In the first month or two, let him do all the calling and trying to pin you down for a date. This sets the chase in motion, which is the most important thing. Only call to reschedule a date or if he keeps getting your answering machine. Later on -- months three or four -- you can call once for every four of his calls, assuming you're in a committed relationship."
Every FOUR? Isn't this really um, drastic?
This is reminding me of the date day rule as well- both rules go one step over the line that I'm uncomfortable with. If you're going to play the hard-to-get game, I can see not accepting a date after Wednesday, though if it were me personally I'd do Thursday. I can see waiting every two (maybe three) calls to call him. But four? That's just overly excessive. And if I were the guy, I'd be fed up.
Oddly enough, I am not much of a phone caller, and my ex-boyfriend used to gripe about how I'd never call him...still does, actually. Go figure.
And if you're in a committed relationship (already? And by "committed relationship" do they mean engagement at 3-4 months?), I suspect you will need to call your boyfriend more than once for every 4 calls- at least to make arrangements and things. Even I called my ex more than that about arrangements.
"Don't call him and rarely return his calls. Gee, I'm bad at
this already. I've always been taught to return calls as a matter of common
courtesy." -Brenda Ross
This is just downright rude to me. It's common courtesy to call someone back, even if you don't want to. I work at a newspaper. Not being called back is the crappiest aspect of the job. I won't tolerate it at all in dating relationships- I dated an incredibly forgetful guy (I used to have fantasies of turning his head into a computer so I could put in more RAM) who said he'd call and half the time forgot to. So I'd sit around all night getting more and more ticked off, then finally give in and call him, only to hear "I forgot." This state of annoyance is not something that you want to put anyone you like into. Nowadays I write guys like that off. I do not put up with that level of disrespect, and a guy you're dating shouldn't have to either.
"Don't call men or ask men out, because it doesn't work."
Hah. I've had this work a helluva lot better when I have asked men out!
I'd like you to note here how absolutely phobic these women sound about calling:
"In weak moments, think of the long-term results versus short-term gratification and inevitable pain. When you call him, he may be busy and get off the phone quickly and you'll feel crushed. Why take a chance? Let him call you."
Note the last bit of that...This is EXACTLY the kind of advice they give to women to do! Not at all hypocritical here :P It's perfectly okay for women to do to men, apparently…perhaps the Rules Girls are enacting revenge on the men who did that to them by screwing with the heads of all other women? And come on, "inevitable pain" does not come from every phone call. If someone does get off the phone quickly, most women would probably not feel "crushed" either. (And isn't the whole dating scenario about "taking a chance?"
I do wonder though, if they ever feel crushed that a guy DIDN'T call them (not that they'd let you talk to him if he did much!)?
They advise a young girl about this that "If he loves you, he'll think you're busy -- not mean or rude."
Soooo...if the guy hangs up on them after ten minutes, do the Rules Girls think he's really busy, or that he's really being mean and rude? |
