I kinda freaked out on Sunday. I was talking to my mom about my application for residency status reclassification, which was denied. I was supposed to prove to the school that my move to Tennessee was for reasons other than school. Apparently, I did not convince them of that, so I'll still be paying $2000 more this semester to attend UT than people who are "in-state." [As a side note, I'd like to know what state UT considers me to be a resident of, since I have no ties to any state other than Tennessee now.]

I had sort of been counting on getting my status reclassified. I felt like my case was pretty strong. Kevin wrote a great letter supporting my contention that my move was based on my relationship with him rather than on school. I guess I shouldn't have been counting on it, but I was. I fully expected to have $2000 extra this semester. I had hoped to plan a summer in Europe. More importantly than that, I had hoped to cut down on the hours I'll have to work for money this semester. I have so much to do in the next four and a half months, many of which are things that I cannot cut out. If I could somehow find a way to get more money, work would be one of the things I could change.

I have been stressed out about this semester for ages now, but mainly since the first of the year. Classes started this week (well, except for one which started January 5th, but I'll come back to that) and it only confirmed what I was well aware of already: this is going to be a tough four months. Like last semester, I'm taking three classes and spending 24 hours a week at my internship. The classes are more advanced (as they should be) and will require more effort (as they probably should). One is a seminar in health care policy. We won't actually be teaching the class, but the format is more discussion-based than a lecture. This means it is vital that I keep up with the reading and current happenings in the field. Another is community organizing, which will be a combination of lecture, class discussion, and a group community organizing project. The project will involve a lot of field work, and although there are eight of us working on it, and the instructor plans to give us class time to work on it, it will still take a lot of time. My third class is in the epidemiology department, Introduction to Health Services Research. I think that time-wise it will probably be my easiest class, but to some extent I feel like I have to excel in the class since I am sort of representing social work to the epidemiology department. I have to teach class next week, and I'm nervous about that. I've taught a class before, but that was to a group of students I was comfortable with, being graded by a professor I knew very well.

My internship is going very well, and I feel like I've learned a lot and I've been given some great opportunities there. However, as I have learned more, I've also been taking on greater responsibilities. If I screw up, or blow something off, it has a bigger impact than it used to. Some of my projects include serving as the volunteer coordinator for our 5K race in April (our only major fundraising event), writing a grant proposal for our Girls Empowerment program, and program coordinator for a new program that will be getting started in a few weeks. Except for writing the grant that got the program funded (which happened before I started), I've done all the work on the program so far, including writing a job description for the main service provider, formulating program guidelines and procedures, and setting up a database for tracking clients. It will be a great thing to have on my resume, and I'm learning so much. My supervisor is even giving me the opportunity to supervise the person who will be providing the services, which is something that will help a lot if I apply for a position that requires supervisory experience. But again, it's time-consuming, and I feel like it's a lot more important to make sure everything gets done.

I'm working at the restaurant as much as I feel like I can handle (probably 2-3 shifts a week, but that's still up in the air). I'm still the college president, which involves a weekly meeting with all the other college presidents, bimonthly meetings with the other officers in my college, and other stuff. I'm still working three hours a week at my research job. On top of all of that, on March 16th, I'll take comprehensive exams. No pass, no masters. Of course, most people pass (no one failed last year), but it's not like I can go in unprepared.

I've come to realize lately that I'm a very driven person. I like to succeed at what I do. I like to do everything well. I like to do everything. Sometimes I take on more than I can chew, but once I've made a commitment to something, I do whatever I can to meet my obligations, sometimes too much. It kills me to have to let go of something or back out or renegotiate a commitment or obligation. Something else I have learned this year, however, is that good leaders don't do everything by themselves. They know when to delegate responsibility, and they know when to let go.

I'm going to put my notice in at my research job. It's only three hours a week, but the only time I can do it is Friday afternoons. Generally, I work at the restaurant on Friday nights, so between going to my internship, my Friday lunch meeting, and my two jobs, Fridays will end up lasting from 8 AM until 11:30 PM or later. I can't continue to do that; I need to have one day with a break.

I'm also putting in my notice here. This is the one other commitment in my life that I can make some changes to. As it is, I hardly read the board, I struggle to get a post together every other week, and I feel guilty whenever I read or do not read front-page posts (damned if I do, damned if I don't). This is not necessarily a termination, but rather, a renegotiation. Once school is over and I get to have a "normal" life, I may be able to come back. I know I have stepped out before, and each time I eventually came back. What will happen this time remains to be seen.

Thanks to all of you for reading my posts for the past 2 1/2 years. It has been marvelous to share my life with all of you, and to have your support as I have made some scary and wonderful changes in my life. You know how to reach me if you need to.