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Epicon 98 unvieled For those of you who want to know: Who got who pregnant? Exactly why was Meloney crawling with roaches? What exactly is a highly devloped venus? Who put the bop in the bop shu bop shu bop? Okay, well I can't help you with that last one....BUT for the answers to the others, and lots of questions that you never knew you always wanted answered, read on. Even if you don't, read it anyways...oh, like you have anything better to do!
Day one:
4:45 - Victor gets to airport, and waits 15 minutes till TWA desk opens and the clerk says "You're not on that 6:00 flight to St. louis are you? 'Cause it was just cancelled"
"That's not good."
"Let me see what we can do" Lots of mental pictures of the next flight being at 3:00pm Saturday.
oh God, don't do this to me.
"Well, we do have a flight going out at 8:40"
Quick mental calculation..... 4 HOURS?????!!!!!!! UGH!!!
"Luckily the second flight only has two seats left."
Luckily??!! "Well that's quite a leap in logic."
"Well, since it's nearly full and one of the two seats is in first class, I can give you that seat."
kewl "Kewl."
Let me just say: first class is another fricken world!!!! The second leg of the trip only had an in flight snack, in first class a snack is a sandwich, cookies, pasta salad..wanna know what every one else got? Too badd you're gonna find out anyway...that bag of three peanuts! HEH HEH HEH. Though I did feel a little bad about it, because that security curtain wasn't shut and the little old lady in the front row could see what I was eating (I was in the last row)........I felt so bad I just couldn't laugh at her misfortune...for more than twenty minutes...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Needless to say I was not on the flight to New Oleans that I was supposed to be; I did call Jen and leave a message, but she never got it. So they found out what flight I was on and met me when I arived, 2 hours later than my original plane would have been.
Grandma and Jen rode with Chip, while I rode with Dave and Griff.
On the way back we noticed Chip's car stop VERY suddenly; hmmm, wonder what happened to make him stop so suddenly? OHHHHHH it was the car he hit, LOSER!!!! Chip's excuse:
"I was watching the cars ahead of him, and they were all moving."
Apparently Chip didn't understand that even if the other cars were going, he couldn't simply drive through the car in front of him....Well I suppose he could, but things would get REALLY uncomfortable for his passangers. ;-)
ANYHOO, after that we parked our car and started to cross the street, when Chip started walking into the path of an oncoming street car (also known as a trolley, no matter what Chip may say)
"Chip"
"Blah blah blah"
"CHIP."
"blah blah blah" still not paying attention.
"CHIP!!!!!!!!" I yell as Dave and I both reach to snag him, but he finally gets a clue and stops.
We all made fun of Chip. Including Griffin who had just asked how could he not notice a street car coming.
"GRIFF!!!!!!!" again multiple hands reached out.
"Oh" she said, "That's how." She neglected to see the one comming in the other direction.
In the restaraunt, Chip gazed into my eyes and said "I don't know what they're talking about - they look like shit to me!"
HA HA what a card that Chip is....mumble mumble grumble.
Our waitress was rather attractive, and though Dave didn't think that much of her, she was apparently in love with him....at least that's how he tells it. Personally I think he would have eaten anything, provided SHE placed it there:
"Boiled cyanide? Hmmmm sounds tasty, I'd love some."
Apparently Dave was right about her attraction for him: she asked if she could get him anything, how his food was (she asked all of us this, but not with the same passion, obviously), she even put the check in front of Dave, showing that she wanted him to show off how wealthy her loverboy was. Dave didn't feel the need to show off..............bastard.
We got back to the hotel and met up with Crossbow, Cheryl and Wayne. Apparently they were waiting to meet up with everybody so we could all eat together.
D'OH!!!! It was Dave's fault! I said, "I think we should go meet Crossbow, cheryl and Wayne and THEN go eat." But Dave said "Screw 'em, I wanna go flirt with a cute blond waitress." We were all powerless before his commands. Yeah, well, ask Griffin, and if she says it's not true then they are obviously in league together. I'm much too nice a boy to make something like this up.
Evetually Kool, Ella, Snobgryd, Paladin, TOGA, Squire, and Jas (pronounced Jayce) showed up. It was here I got my first surprise: one of us is pregnant. Then I got my second and greatest surprise...it was me...apparently Jen-Jen knocked me up WHILE I was en route to New Orleans. I'm still not sure how this happened....I sure don't remember any of it....but I take great pride in the fact that I got some action....WOO HOO!!!!!!!
Ummmm hold on a sec, I gotta go get some salmon flavored ice-cream............MMMMMMMMMMMMM
'Kay........we waited around for Meloney, but she never showed...at one point we thought she had arrived but it wasn't her. Paladin thought he would be helpful:
"Victor, that's NOT Meloney."
I looked up at him, with a smirk.
"Oh, that's not why you're looking." he laughed.
We waited for a while longer then left a message for Meloney on where we would be, and took off for dinner.
Dinner. Now THAT was an experience.
I couldn't catch what was going on at the other end of the table..but that was due more to fear of what that may have been, than to not being able to find out. TOGA kept attacking my soda with a crayfish. Tigger, poor Tigger was subjected to some really cruel things: He was dressed up to look like a beer bottle, had to kiss the head of a dead crayfish, had to be subjected to us. Such is the life of a Tigger.
Our waitress actually liked us; she obviously was on drugs. TOGA wanted me to pick her up (it started cause we were flirting with each other), I pointed out that I would be leaving in two days so what was the point...she just stared at me.....the abuse I put up with. Jen-Jen agreed that I could pick up the waitress:
"Yeah she looks pretty light."
HA HA, boy you are a funny one, Jen. You are, you are!
ANYWAY, we left and went back to the hotel, and it was then we found out that Meloney was not coming in until Saturday...that was a big fat bummer. But we figured that at least she was still coming...though Paladin was betting she got bumped for the free ticket.
We then went to Cooter Brown's. Paladin was pool master...but only 'cause I let him...I DID SO!!! LISTEN it's my post so only MY opinions matter!!!!!
Kevin showed us all his Burning man book....Let me take enough time to explain to all of you what Burning man is......this will take a while, but I think it will be worth it. It is a REALLY REALLY REALLY KEWL week long party. Now I know that was a pretty in depth explanation, but don't you feel more cultured now?
We were all having a pretty good time, talking about inconsequential things, until Chip decided to start on a very introspective topic...sex...specifically: when, where and things like that...I am NOT going to post our various answers.....if you weren't there to share, then you don't get the dirt.....big fat bummer.
After we hung out there for awhile, we left to go back to Kevin's house and party more. Chip, Cheryl, Wayne, Jas, Dave and I started walking back, while Koolblu, Ella, Songbyrd, TOGA, Squire, Crossbow, and Paladin waited for the Trolley....er...I mean streetcar. Kevin drove Griffin, Jen-Jen, and Ri. Then he came back for those of us walking. We tried to find the others, but they were gone. Though Paladin won't admit it....THEY GOT LOST NYAH NYAH NYAH.
So we all hung out at Kevin's place...and we babbled on for a while, Chip licked Jen, and we talked about--huh, Chip? Oh yeah, Jen was sitting on the porch swing and Chip just up and licked her....SO I guess the operative question would be is JEN-JEN scrumdilyumptious?
Well the highlight of the evening was the South Park toons......We had a great time...I just wanted Jen to stop yelling....BEEFCAKE!
I mean my god it was 3am, I had been up for 26 hours, and everytime I started to fall asleep on Kev's couch...BEEFCAKE!!!! BEEFCAKE!!!!!!! Jen-Jen nearly met with a most unpleasant fate......but I left her alone for two reasons:
1) I was too tired and
2) She woulda seriously beat the crap out of me.
So we decided to walk back to the Hotel...Griff, Dave, Chip, Ri, Jen-Jen and I. I mean it was only about a zillion miles away and we were all ready to fall asleep, so why not?
On the way back Jen devoped the Hiccups...I told her to hold her breath and contract her diaphragm, something that always works for me......Although it didn't work for her, she did discover some new colors in the visible spectrum...as well as almost pass out. It was hard on her, but I think she took comfort in the fact that she was entertaining Ri and myself, a VERY worthy cause. What's that you say, Jen? OHHHHHHH you DIDN'T take comfort in that.......BIG FAT BUMMER...you'll excuse me if the only thing I can say, by way of sympathy is BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!
We went to bed and in what seemed like ten minutes, but was actually 6 hours I heard a light tapping at my door. It was Jen-Jen and Griffin; they were on their way into the French quarter. I asked where and when we could meet them; Griff asked if I could motivate myself, because if we wanted they would wait a half hour. So we agreed to meet in the lobby in 30 minutes...I woke Dave up and took a quick shower. When I finished Dave informed me that the others would meet us at Planet Hollywood.
We finished getting ready and made our way over to the restaurant. No one was there...UH-OH....Then Dave remembered that Jen-Jen said something about a Square that was really cool, right near there...so we went over to the square to find them. No one was there...UH-OH....so we searched for a few minutes and saw Jen-Jen and Paladin walking, and we followed them to the front steps of the Cathedral..where Jen-Jen had told Dave to meet them...Planet Hollywood...Cathedral...I can see how he mixed them up.....of 'course it is really my fault...I should have known something was wrong when he said that a giant blue amazon woman told him where to meet the others...apparently the boy hadn't quite woken up yet.
We all went to a restaurant that happened to be where the xebra's web cam was located, and had lunch. Again Tigger was the mot favored chew toy of the moment. Paladin and Ella showed us Tigger's prowess at gymnastics, Tigger's impression of Nancy Kerrigan.... and I don't know what the HELL Paladin was doing,, but a load clear yell could suddenly be heard:
"GREG, GET YOUR TIGGER OFF MY KNEE!"
Not sure what exactly Paladin was doing to Jen-Jen, but I was just too damn afraid to ask.
After that, we started walking around, and wandered into Rev. Zombie's voodoo shop....it was here that Ri and Jen-Jen and I had our palms, and tarot cards read. The others went off, while Griff and Dave waited with us. Then Meloney paged us, she had arrived, so Dave and Griffin wondered off, to find a phone, and look around and would return in forty minutes or so, when three of us would be done.
I suggested we all take off our jewelry, so as not to give our reader any clues about our selves, which we all did. You see the type of jewely you wear can tell a lot about a person. For example, I wear a cross around my neck, this marks me as a christian, also the only ring I wear is a ring with a crest (coat of arms on it); this can also tell alot about me.
So then we entered:
Jen Jen went first.....it started out okay, she started talking about trivial everyday things. You work yourself too hard, things like that. Then she started talking about some extremely personal stuff.
Suddenly I wasn't so sure about this.
She said that she saw that Jen had been hurt deeply, and that her latest romance was helping her get over it.
"You do know that this guy isn't right for you? That you won't be together all that much longer?"
She also saw that Jen would be going back to school, and that she would be changing professions. The new profession would be related somehow to the law. Apparently our dear Jen-Jen is going to marry within the next few years, to an older man no less. Not too much older, not more than seven years or so. She will outlive this guy and then remarry.
Then it was my turn; fortunately there were no embarrassing personal questions....HA HA Jen.
As soon as I sat down she said okay, you are very independent, and I am sensing an ego here (MOI?). She read my Tarots, and each time she had me pick, everything had to do with the same three things.
First my love life:
She asked me if I was fighting two women off, right now. "Ummmmm not that I know of. Care to tell me who they are?" Then she told me that in the near future I would be involved with a woman who would SCA-rew me over majorly (so what's new ;-) ). She will be a deceitful woman, and that will somehow get by me.
Then she talked about my career. She asked if I had gotten a job offer recently, which I had. She also told me that I probably wouldn't stay with my current job, because I am starting to feel trapped. But that I will, and this is important, make a phenomenal amount of money...we are talking mucho deniro!! WOO HOO!!!!
As for number three...there is no number three.
Then we (and by we I mean she) read my palm.
I have a chained love line...this means that I will have a lot of broken relationships in my life. Well that's certainly what I wanted to hear.
Also I have a very long and well developed life line. This means, I will live a long and very healthy life. So lets sum up what we have learned: I will live a very long and healthy life filled with broken relationships, all to be kicked off by, lest we forget, some deceitful woman who will rake me over the coals.
Who says these readings can't be fun?
Turns out I am very noble, with a selfless streak that I need to tune down, because I put others ahead of myself too much. Oh yeah, I almost forgot I have a highly devolped Venus...Yep you heard right...Of course Ri didn't..she thought the Psychic said I had something else that was highly developed.....of course either way she would have been right ;-). Now for those of you who are unenlightened (me), what this means is I'm affectionate, loving, and (and this is key) very SENSUAL. Upon hearing this Jen-Jen and Ri started fighting over me.... OH YEAH?! Well it's my story so you will listen to every damn word I say!!!! ;-)
Then Ri went...Ri is going back to school (HEL-LO we already knew that) and is going to change careers. She is also going to move...Ri tried to trick the Psychic by asking if she would be moving back with her family. But though she didn't know where Ri would move (perhaps Memphis), it was definitely not going to be closer to her family. Also Ri would, in the very near future, come into some money that she did not earn....Hey Ri, have I ever told you how sexy you are? ;-)
Towards the end of Ri's reading Jas and Crossbow came around...then when it was over we ran into Dave and Griffin who had come back to wait for us. We trekked back to the hotel.
On our way back, we passed the most interesting clubs.........with tantilizing wares such as "LIVE SEX!!!!" "ON STAGE ORGY!!!!!" We passed a sign and Griffin sputtered:
"OH COME ON!" Wash your favorite dancer? ewwww! Okay, stripping, lap dancing. That's fine, but washing? That would be sooo degrading!"
Naturally being the sensitive type I am, I empathized with Griff "So what you are saying is you don't mind stripping or lap dancing?"
"OKAY. I just want to clear this up now...*I* will not be doing either. I am just saying I can understand doing these things. Again not that *I* plan on doing them. 'kay?"
D'OH!! Er I mean of course not, Griffin! The thought never crossed my mind. ;-)
So we get back and see Chip who had been waiting for people all day. He was waiting for a call since that morning, but he never got one.....except Griff did leave a message, when he was away....it was just too late by the time he got it...Now everybody said that this is because he stated he didn't wish to be woken up early, but in all fairness Chip made a point of telling Jen-Jen, Ri, and myself (saying he had already told Dave and Griffin) that we were to call him as soon as we got up...but hey, why listen to the cool guy, he's just always right. ;-)
We all got up and got ready in a record 30 minutes or so total...the amazing thing is Griffin was almost ready within that 30....this is the same woman who went up the night before to take a shower 20 minutes BEFORE Jen-Jen, and came down 10 minutes AFTER Jen-Jen.
When she was almost ready, Dave went to get her to find her opinion on whether or not Xebra's netcam was at the restaurant we ate lunch at. She came in all dressed up, except for the towel wrapped around her hair. I was sitting on the bed and she stood to my right. All of a sudden Dave chuckled at something, and she turned and hit *ME*.
"Don't laugh at how silly I look in my towel."
To be completely honest I had just been thinking how nice she looked.
"Huh? WhadidIdo? I think you look very nice; besides, DAVE is the one who laughed."
See guys, this is why I turned to a life of E-vil. 'Cause when I was nice I got hit. I mean I still get hit but at least now I deserve it. ;-)
We went downstairs, and FINALLY I got to meet Meloney. She was quite overwhelmed to see me...almost immediately she threw a cockroach at me...nothing says love quite like that. ;-) (she picked up a bunch of rubber rodents and bugs at a flower show). Most of the others went on the TROLLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (take that Chip) while Grandma, Dave, Griffin, Meloney, and I drove to the restaraunt with Chip. NOW THAT WAS FUN. Dave sat at one door, with Griffin on his lap, Meloney next to them, and me, kinda folded, in that space between the rear winshield and the rear shelf.....OW!!!!!!!!
Chip dropped us off, while he and Griffin went and found some "parking". Let's just say they were gone for a LONG while. ;-)
Dinner went along with the now obligatory torturing of Tigger. Though tonight it took a different twist...Tigger was Tigger-napped...and although Ri thinks I had something to do with it...I swear I didn't...all I did was, when it was returned, make it look like it had been stabbed and yelled "OH MY GAWD, THEY KILLED TIGGER. YOU BASTARDS!!!" But Ri was most decidedly unamused.
After this, we split up......most went back to the hotel, while Meloney, Jen-Jen, Dave, #20, Ri, Jas, and Oh now who was it? That REALLY cool guy....Oh what's his name? Oh yeah...*ME*! We went to the top of the Mart which is a revolving bar...it was soooooooooooooooo cool.
We were there for a few hours, just talking. We got paged by Crossbow, a few times, but everytime we called there was no answer in the rooms we tried. Apparently the hotel personnel were not ringing the rooms, and the message we tried to leave, that we were convinced didn't get left, DID get left. This is important because about twenty minutes after we left, Griffin, Chip and Paladin showed up looking for us....oops.
By then we were on our way to the night life on Bourbon Street. WOW!!!!! Is that, shall we say, different? Yes, I believe we shall. We made our way to a place called Shooters, got some drinks and left, but then decided to go back there, and hang. Of course on the way back Ri naturally thought it would be smart to separate from the rest of us and walk off by herself. Drunk. walking through crowds of drunk people, where they were harrasing drunk women to take off their tops (WOO HOO!!!). Alone. I saw her and followed, she noticed me, and asked why I was following her. I had just kinda steered her from smacking into someone, when, as I turned to say something to her, this big jerk crashed into me.
"Watch where you're going!!" He yelled very belligerently I might add.
"Sorry." I said. He was drunk, and looking for a fight; I didn't want to give him one. But then he kept glaring and took a step towards me. I can't swear to this, but I think I groweled at him, though I'm not sure how he could have heard me, because he suddenly got this weird look on his face, and departed.
Gee too bad, 'cause a drunken brawl in strange city was JUST what I was hoping for. But somehow we managed to get back to Shooter's without me getting myself killed. Much to the disappointment of all. ;-)
After a while Crossbow met up with us and we hung out some more and then at about 4am went back to Kevin's house, dropping Dave off on the way so that he could get some sleep before his 17 hour trip home.........wimp.
At Kevin's house we had a South Park fest, until everyone fell asleep at about 7am....Only Jen-Jen, Kevin and I were left.......then the burning man video went in...and I finally fell asleep....I feel so worthless!
I kinda lost any concept of what was gong on...what with my very loose connection to reality and all....So I will simply have to make up what happened next. The way I see it........
With Crossbow and Jas asleep, Kevin left in a fit because Meloney and Jen-Jen started trying to seduce me...Though Ri was sleeping you could here her call out my name in her sleep....Well, being a gentleman I won't tell you what happened next...well, that and the fact that Meloney and Jen-Jen, by now, are already plotting my death, and I would like it to be as quick as possible. And I have a feeling the more I make up, the longer and painfuller it will be.
At around 10am we all went back to the hotel...where we met up with the rest of our clan...we had to say goodbye to Griffin and Dave, as they had a long drive ahead of them. :-(
Then the rest of us went to breakfest...TOGA and Squire were supposed to meet us, but they never showed up, and I never got to say goodbye to them :-(
When Breakfast was over we hung out back at the hotel until it was time to for Jen-Jen and I to leave. :-(
Kevin drove us to the airport, and Jen hung out with me for the twenty minutes until it was time for me to leave. :-(
Now for the adventure home.................I get into St. Louis with only 20 minutes to catch my connector; unfortunately my gate was literally on the other side of the airport from the one I needed to get to.....running through the airport with my bag.....I barely made it. Thank GAWD I hurried, because as it turns out, I had over an hour to get there. That's right, the plane was stranded at the terminal for an hour....shoot me....then for another 20 minutes on the taxi way....please just shoot me.
I FINALY got to Boston at about 11:00 and got home by twelve and got to bed at 12:30ish, but luckily I had to get up early for work the next morning....you know your day is going to suck, when you get a call at 5:30 saying "there is a big problem, be at work by 6:00....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
What can I say but........Big fat bummer!
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